Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
