I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize