I got chris browned last night
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
