She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
