it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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