Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
