In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
