New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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