Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize