So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
