Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
