The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
sarcasm needs its own font
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
