Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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