he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
