I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
