I think I died a long time ago.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
