Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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