you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
