did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize