I think I died a long time ago.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
