haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
