mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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