I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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