dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
4 words: hood of his car
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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