I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
