It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize