A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
