I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
