I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
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