so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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