can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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