I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
