didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
