around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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