she was so not down for the gang bang
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize