At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
NoShamevember. You game?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
