Don't you send me to vm
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
