The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I touched a dick in church today
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