Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
