That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Randomize
