Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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