don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
