In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
