Who did Billy Mays play for?
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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