Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
