Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
