bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
