theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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