I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
She needs sedatives and a leash
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
