Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
