i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Randomize
