Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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