Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
