this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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