i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
