sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
