so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
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