You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
