you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
