She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
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