I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
