i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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