I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
