I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
