You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
