I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
