Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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