You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
