Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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