Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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