My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
