did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
