why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
